Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
