I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
