and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
