hotel room ftw
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
