so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
