Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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