I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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