I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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