it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
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I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
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my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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