At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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