I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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