winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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