Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
