Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
