Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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