I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
