last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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