Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize