I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
