Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
