happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He better not be in your backpack
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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