He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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