i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
