Who did Billy Mays play for?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
