the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize