So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
