I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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