and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
