Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
time to smoke my breakfast
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
