Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
