stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
