as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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