p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
