Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
