Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
