we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
