I think I won the penis lottery.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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