One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
