Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
