either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
