I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My feet surprised me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
