I'll bet she douches with gravy.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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