some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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