You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
