so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
