"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
