last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
a search helicopter?!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
