I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
