no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
