note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
