do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
