I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Too much gin, very little bucket
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
