we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
