While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
