i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
