i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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