you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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