then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
