The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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