so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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