I wish i was in the wii world.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
