my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
