Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize