I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
