Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
