Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
