if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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