Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
