More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
