I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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