It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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