His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
