can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
