WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
